I have just come home from Vrindavan and Mayapur and I realise now why people wear those ‘I Lost My Heart in Vrindavan’ t-shirts. I always thought they were pretty corny, but I suddenly feel the same way; as if I am incomplete now that I’m back in England. As usual, I regret not trying to blog while I was there. There has been so much that I wanted to write about, but I never feel like wasting time in front of a computer screen when I’m in the dham. It’s one of the only places where my desire to check my emails and be in touch with the internet community abates to an almost non existent level.
My trip was both wonderfully inspiring, and equally as frustrating at times. I feel like the increased concentration of Krsna conscious activity and the intensely spiritual atmosphere sometimes made me only more aware of how little devotion I have and how out of control my mind is, even after being removed from the more distracting environment that I have here at home. Sometimes I felt like a fish, swimming upstream, struggling to stay focused on my priorities of gaining spiritual juice and trying to cultivate some good habits to continue in England. But sometimes there was no struggle, and the stream of Krishna’s mercy simply carried me effortlessly, giving me a tiny taste of what it really means to experience the unique treasures the dham has to offer.
I guess I’ll write more about some of the experiences I had in the next weeks. For now, it’s unfortunately back to university and 14,000 words or so to write.
O Lord of Madhu, as the Ganges forever flows to the sea without
hindrance, let my attraction be constantly drawn unto You without being
diverted to anyone else. (SB. 1.8.42)